junjou na kanjou
by Kamui Shidou
Summary: LeGorn... Aragorn finds out that Arwen has never loved him. He sinks deeper into despair. Will Legolas be able to help him? Or will he be pushed away by Aragorn? [updated] chapter 5 is now up!
1. Default Chapter

JUNJOU NA KANJOU WA  
(TRUE FEELINGS)  
  
  
Hi I'm Kamui Shidou and this will be my first fic outside of the SlamDunk fandom and my first fic to be posted on ff.net. I'll cut this short so we can go on with the story. Let's see... my muses are really rusty because I haven't been writing for a long time, ...And yeah this is slash\yaoi\shonen ai\mm\. It's LegolasxAragorn (or as I call it for short LeGorn).   
  
Disclaimer: Lord of The Rings doesn't belong to me, it belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. The song Junjou na kanjou wa belongs to Siam shade.  
AN: statements that are enclosed in / / are supposed to be spoken in elvish. I don't know elvish so please bear with me. Oh.. and one thing few of the scenes were taken " LOTR: TTT" and you may find some changes in them. Enjoy  
  
Chapter I: So Near ,yet, so far  
  
kowareru hodo aishitemo sanbun no ichi mo tsutawaranai  
junjou na kanjou wa karamawari I love you sae ienaideiru my heart  
Even if my love reaches the breaking point, 1/3 of it won't reach  
My true feelings are just spinning on air, my heart isn't even saying "I love you  
  
  
  
"What's troubling you friend?"  
  
The Blonde Elf seemed to be troubled about something , and how could Strider the ranger miss such a great sorrow, when most things no matter how little do not escape him.  
  
" Nothing's wrong , i'm fine" the elf tried to look cheerful but inside he was hurting.  
  
" You say nothing's wrong yet your eyes betray you" Aragorn replied  
  
" Do they?"  
  
" You're in love aren't you?"  
  
Legolas stood there frozen.  
  
" Who's the lucky girl?" Aragorn asked " or... is it a guy?"  
  
By now Legolas felt that he would faint. His face paled immediately and his knees felt weak.   
  
The last he heard was somebody shouting his name and then darkness took over him.  
  
  
* Flashback*   
  
" Where is Aragorn?!" Legolas asked nearly killing the orc.   
  
The orc sneered  
  
" He's dead , fell over the cliff. "  
  
" Damn you..."  
  
Everybody paused. Both sorrow and anger were clearly written on Legolas' normally calm face.  
  
King Theoden talked to his men and said: " Bring the wounded..."   
  
He paused for a moment " and leave the bodies of the dead behind..."  
  
Legolas walked towards the King, the flame of anger burning in his eyes.  
  
" Leave the dead behind!! Are you mad?!! Aragorn died valiantly yet you want to leave his body behind!! Are you going to let the waves engulf him and let the sea be his grave?!!!"  
  
" My order hasn't changed, men let's go." Theoden turned his back on Legolas.  
  
Gimli looked at the elf and motioned to him that it was time to leave.  
  
" I need to be alone..." Legolas said softly  
  
" Feel free to cry Legolas... after all you've lost someone very important... you've lost a friend." Gimli replied  
  
He was much more than a friend... He touched the necklace Aragorn always wore Now this is the only memory of him left...  
I regret not haveing been able to tell him... that I...I.." tears fell to the ground and he blacked out.  
  
Namarrie Aragorn Amin mela lle.  
  
  
Legolas' POV  
"Where am I? What is this place... It's so dark and.. cold.."  
*a scene was flashed in front of him*  
" Aragorn!! You're alive!!" his heart was beating fast ... Aragorn was alive...  
" Arwen... Arwen... where are you? Amin mela lle Arwen..." Aragorn murmured  
Legolas felt weak... it was as if his heart was broken into pieces  
Do I Have a chance against her?.  
  
  
tbc  
well minna did you like it? If I get at least 5 reviews , i'll continue this. *puppy dog eyes* please review. 


	2. Egao

Warning: This fic is yaoi\shonen ai\slash\mxm if you feel uncomfortable with that kindly click the back button because this isn't the right place for you.  
  
Disclaimer: Lord of The Rings doesn't belong to me, it belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. The song Junjou na kanjou wa belongs to Siam shade. AN: statements that are enclosed in / / are supposed to be spoken in elvish. I don't know elvish so please bear with me. Oh.. and one thing few of the scenes were taken " LOTR: TTT" and you may find some changes in them. Enjoy. Plenty of ooc ness and arwen is evil here and so is Elrond...  
  
Author's notes Take 2: I actually got 5 reviews!!Thanks to all those who reviewed and read my crappy fic... Thank you very much,Doumo Arigato Gozaimasu,Merci,Salamat and many more thanks.( I just ran out of languages to say thank you in... ^__^) Sorry if I quite confused you with the last part of the fic... It was sort of Legolas' POV during the flashback... ^__^; and this begins with the present and not the flashback... o_^ hope I don't confuse you too much... and this is short ,really short.  
  
  
  
EGAO (Smile)  
  
give me smile and shine days kimi no smile de itetsuku yoru samusa no mo good koraerareru Give me a smile and shiny days, by your smile I can withstand the cold of a frozen night.  
  
  
  
" LEGOLAS!!!"  
  
The ranger barely managed to catch the elf . Aragorn was shocked , Legolas has never fainted before.  
  
" Be steady!! Legolas!!"  
  
Aragorn shook Legolas and the elf slowly regained conciousness.  
  
" Where am I? Wha... What happened?"  
  
Aragon visibly relaxed when he saw Legolas was well. Due to the earlier excitement Aragorn sat down on the grass to regain his composure.  
  
" We're at the camp and you well... fainted." Aragorn stated  
  
" We're at camp and I fainted?"  
  
" Yes." Aragorn smiled " You nearly gave me a heart attack there and then."  
  
" I fainted and you nearly got a heart attack?"  
  
Legolas mentally kicked himself, here he was in front of his loved one yet he can't do anything but repeat everything Aragorn said.  
  
" Yes, you nearly gave me a heart attack and please stop repeating what I've just said!" Aragorn grinned.  
  
God! He looks so beautiful when he smiles... I wish he would smile just for me... Legolas thought, But that would be just a dream for me because he loves someone else.  
  
kowareru hodo aishitemo san bun no ichi mo tsutawaranai junjou na kanjou wa karamawari i love you sae ienaideiru my heart Even if my love reaches the breaking point, 1/3 of it won't reach My true feelings are just spinning on air, my heart isn't even saying "I love you"  
  
Legolas stood and his skin was softly caressed by the wind. He shivered.  
  
I wish I could have the courage to confess... but even if I did his feelings wouldn't change...  
  
Aragorn was sleeping blisfully and Legolas mentally praised his beauty.  
  
He looks so young when he sleeps... His worries and all the burden that was given to him must have made him look old. My Aragorn he's so admirable, I admit even I can't handle the burden given to him. I love you Aragorn, with all my heart.  
  
Aragorn opened his eyes, he heard something in the bushes. He stood up and followed where the sound came from. Legolas followed him unwilling to let Aragorn out of his sight because he might lose him again.  
  
Aragorn parted the bushes with his sword and he saw a mirror. He turned it and there was an inscription saying:  
  
/In this mirror there is nothing that can be hidden Hatred, ambition or love that is forbidden Things that cannot be seen by the naked eye; all things that are not clear will be clarified You cannot hide anything from me The truth and only the truth will set you free./  
  
" What is this?" He gazed at the mirror and he was shocked at what he saw... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
" Arwen, where are you?"  
  
" Here I am father..."  
  
" How is the relationship between you and Estel?"  
  
" The fool is madly in love with me... Even if he saw me kissing another guy or marrying another person he would follow me like a love-sick puppy."  
  
" Good... his kingdom would soon fall into my hands without him knowing it,he is a king yet he is a fool... how could an elf as beautiful as you fall in love with a lowly mortal."  
  
" Yes I am too good for him... I could break him in anyway I want. Besides I already love another... Eowyn of Rohan..."  
  
" But she is mortal... and you are an elf..."  
  
" She is the only one who suits my exquisite beauty and if she dies I could find another one... and I always get what I want..."  
  
" Well it is your choice, but don't let Estel get a hint that you are just using him. Pretend that you are madly in love with him.."  
  
" With pleasure..."  
  
" Have fun..."  
  
" I will..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ " It can't be..." Aragorn said, tears threatening to fall . He fell on his knees and shouted. " I'm so stupid!!!! How come I didn't notice it!!" , he cried his heart out and swore that he definitely won't love anymore... because it hurts...  
  
tbc  
  
well minna did you like it? please review. 


	3. depression

Disclaimer: LOTR BELONGS TO Sir J.R.R. Tolkien. junjou na kanou belongs to siam shade. Author's notes: Thank you once again for everybody who reviewed!! Aishiteru minna!!! You read and reviewed this crappy fic!! hope you enoy this chappy... ^___^ this is once again a short chapter and most characters are OOC here. Chapter: 3\4 or 3\5 Warning: This fic is yaoi\shonen ai\mxm\slash\bxb and also has yuri\shojo ai\fxf if you are disturbed by such things kindly click the back button cause this obviously isn't the right place for you. If you don't like the pairing Legolas\Aragorn i'd say the same thing to you.  
  
Depression  
  
mannatsu no ame no you ni kawaita suhada uruosu kimi no egao ga mabushikute Like rain in the middle of summer, the dry, bareness moistens, your smile is bright. Give me a smile and shiny days, kyuu ni sumasanaide donna ni konnan de nankan na kabe mo koeru kara Give me a smile and shiny days, don't clear up so quickly! Because we can overcome any wall that stands in our way.  
  
" Aragorn... What's ha-----"  
  
Legolas looked at Aragorn , the said man was on his knees holding a mirror in his hands... Legolas could see the agony on Aragorn's face. The man was suffering . Legolas felt a pang of pain in his heart , he did not want to see his beloved like this.  
  
Aragorn stood up, almost similar to the calm Aragorn he was but his voice had become cold and steely. Legolas felt like he'd been dipped in burning ice when Aragorn said.  
  
" Greenleaf, let's head back to camp immediately."  
  
Legolas unconsciously stepped backward. He felt that Aragorn had changed he wasn't the same Aragorn that he used to know, this man had been consumed by hatred and pain . Aragorn had shut his heart out by buiding a barrier of ice , enclosing it so that he can't and won't love as not to be hurt by somebody ever again.  
  
" Aragorn?? What's happening to you?" Legolas asked . Worry and anxiety was clearly written on his face.  
  
" It's none of your business..." Aragorn said cooly almost showing no emotions , but Legolas did not miss the small hint of sadness in the man's eyes." Do you have anything else to say?"  
  
" A smile suits you better Aragorn..."  
  
" a smile... what good will that do? after all a smile is just a lie... I cannot bring myself to smile after what she did to me..."  
  
" Arwen? What did Arwen do to you? Where did you see her?" Legolas asked. He was becoming confused.  
  
" She was just using me..."  
  
Aragorn looked at the mirror that he was holding. Legolas noticed this.  
  
" You saw her in this?"  
  
Legolas took the mirror away from Aragorn and peered into it . He saw the vision that Aragorn has seen. Legolas was seething with rage.  
  
How dare she hurt Aragorn !!! I swear I will make her pay...  
  
He peered once again into the mirror and then he saw something ...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~  
  
He was kissing Aragorn. Then Aragorn looked at him as if he loathed him. .  
  
" I thought I could trust you ...."  
  
" Aragorn it isn't what you think..."  
  
" You're just using me... as she did..."  
  
" Aragorn you're wrong."  
  
" Get away from me..." *backs away*  
  
" Aragorn. wait!!! I .love you.."  
  
" You what? Want to play with my emotions? Get out from my sight..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~  
  
dore dake kimi wo aishitara kono omoi todoku no darou mitsumerareru to ienai kotoba ga chuu ni mau hanarereba hanareru hodo itoshii hito da to kizuku motomereba motomeru hodo ni setsunai kyori wo kanjiteru my heart Whoever you love, these images will reach them, right? Don't say you can find them, your words are dancing in space. The further apart you go, the more it hurts the person you love The more I chase them, the more my heart feels the cruel distance  
  
My love won't reach him even if i tried... He loves Arwen too much.. It's true that the more you love the more it hurts... but i won't give up on him...  
  
The next day  
  
Legolas once again peered into the mirror,he saw another image on the mirror... It was Aragorn talking to Eowyn.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
" I love you Aragorn and I would do anything for you...because I don't want to see you hurt... You don't have to say anything... I know it hurts you but forget Arwen, she doesn't love you... If you'd only give me a chance..."  
  
" Didn't Arwen propose to you ?"  
  
"... She did..."  
  
" then... I have nothing else to say..."  
  
" but i don't love her..."  
  
" but she loves you... and I can't stand to see another person hurt because of love..."  
  
" You're hurting me this very moment..."  
  
" I can't love you because I don't want to hurt you..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So Aragorn didn't want to love anymore because he... he doesn't want to be hurt and to hurt others... thought Legolas I wish that he would see that it's better to have loved and lost than never loving at all... but if he would only love me ... I swear I will make him happy... and I would never hurt him...  
  
tbc  
  
well minna did you like it? please r/r to tell me more about my writing and flames are okay too.... it serves as a guide if is hould change my style or something o____^ thank you for reading this fic!! 


	4. author's note

Dear Readers of Junjou na Kanjou wa,  
  
I'm really sorry if Junjou na Kanjou wa hasn't been updated since almost a year ago. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. One reason why I haven't uploaded the final chapter is because I'm not too sure if anybody is still interested in the story 2) I had no idea how to end this story. -__-;; Basically Legolas and Aragorn will be together eventually but the problem is how?I've got an idea how to end the story but surely many Aragorn fans would kill me if Aragorn would die.Besides I don't have the guts to kill my fave character and the final reason why I haven't updated is I haven't watched LOTR The Return of The King yet so... I haven't had inspiration for some LeGorn. So once I watch LOTR 3 then I'll be writing more if you readers want it.  
  
  
  
I sincerely thank you for reading my humble story. Thanks for your time and effort in reading my fanfic Junjou na Kanjou wa. I really would appreciate it if you wonderful readers would voice out your thoughts and tell me if I should continue. Please give me at least 5 reviews if you want me to continue this story.I hope it isn't too much to ask. I thank you once again and wish you a very merry yuletide season.  
  
Sincerely yours,  
  
Kamui Shidou  
  
12/13/03 


	5. wasurenai kara

Disclaimer: LOTR BELONGS TO Sir J.R.R. Tolkien. Wasurenai kara belongs to GACKT

Author's notes: Thank you once again for everybody who reviewed! Aishiteru minna! You read and reviewed this crappy fic! hope you enjoy this chappy... this is once again a short chapter and most characters are OOC here. I think my style has mostly changed after 3 years of not writing and I honestly could not remember what happened to the third movie so this fic will be making a little detour hehe. So sorry minna…

Chapter: 4?

Warning: This fic is yaoi\shonen ai\mxm\slash\bxb and also has yuri\shojo ai\fxf if you are disturbed by such things kindly click the back button cause this obviously isn't the right place for you. If you don't like the pairing Legolas\Aragorn I'd say the same thing to you.

zattou o toorinukete hikari no michibiku basho e  
oto no nai joukei wa nagaretsuzukeru

_Pass through the crowd, to the place where the light leads you  
As the soundless scenery is flowing past you_

Eyes snapped open as the memories of earlier kept on haunting him. How can he ever forget? The pain, it was simply too much to bear but he had to be strong. The people would lose hope if they could see his weakness. But still it was hard to forget her. She was the one who gave him hope…

Hope really is the best way to bring out despair… He should never have hoped in the first place.

ryoute o hirogete subete o tsukamou to shita  
sabitsuita senro no hate ni  
nanika ga aru to shinjiteitai

_You opened your hands and were about to hold everything within your grasp  
At the end of the rusted track  
I want to believe that something is there_

He'd been a fool… He let her enter his mind and heart so easily. He thought there was something between them… Every time he looked into her eyes he thought he detected attraction. But it seems his mind had given him what he firmly wanted to have. An illusion… A beautiful trap which he willingly got himself tangled into.

He looked at the moon and soon he felt his eyes moisten…

"Tonight…would be the last time … I'll let myself cry over you…" He took his sword and pointed it to the moon and then he slowly let the cold blade run over his skin.

Crimson dripped.

This would be the last time he would give his heart away…

Never would he love again… Because it hurt too much...

**Legolas POV:**

kono mama toki ga tomareba ii to  
arifureta kotoba de negai o kometa  
dore dake kimi o mitsumeteitemo  
ano koro no you ni boku ni hohoemikakeru  
wasurenai kara...

_"I hope time stops like this,"  
I wished with my simple words  
No matter how much I gaze at you  
Because I won't forget you smiling at me  
Like you did back then..._

I'd do anything to see your smile again. I remember the times when you used to laugh freely…You were happy then…with her. She made you smile, made your troubles go away, and completed you. Something that I could never have done.

Did I ever hate her?

If she had been stupid or plain ugly I would probably have loathed her from the start. She wouldn't have suited you. (AN: I'm so sorry if this sounds so ooc…)

But she wasn't ugly or stupid. She was beautiful and she was skilled. She was your ideal mate and together you would have made the perfect couple. If only she hadn't betrayed you.

Wait…

She never loved you… she just used you for her selfish desires…

I could never forgive her, for hurting you.

But if I lay a finger on her, I would surely be inviting your wrath. Even though she hurt you, she still means something to you. Would I ever be able to make you notice me? Just like the way you dote on her?

I laugh at the absurdity of my ideas. You'll never think of me as more than a friend… Maybe it's time for me to go…My presence would complicate matters much worse.

utsuroke na manazashi de naze boku no koto o mitsumeru no?  
mou sugu boku mo yuku yo  
sou subete ga ima soko ni aru kara

_Why are you looking at me with that empty look?  
I will be going soon, too  
Yes, because everything's there now_

Ah I see that you're finally awake. You stare at me with those eyes that used to be so full of vigor. You question me why I'm still awake and I guess I owe you the truth…

"I'm leaving." Two words spoken so unfeelingly. "I'm going ahead as to not cause you any trouble."

"why?" You ask.

"It's for the best." I turned my back. "I'll make sure that the path ahead is safe…"

"wait" he took hold of my arm and I was forced to look back at him…

"Why are you doing this? Why are you running away from me?" he asked imploringly…

_boku no naka ni aru sunao na kono omoi o  
iroase wa shinai kara..._

"Because the true feelings inside of me  
Won't just fade away..."

Wah… I know that was very short… please bear with me… been so long since I last wrote… anyway thank you for reading this… please r/r!


	6. todokanai aitoshitteiru no ni osaekirezu

Disclaimer: LOTR BELONGS TO Sir J.R.R. Tolkien. Todokanai Ai to shitteitiru no ni osaekirezuni aishitsuzuketa belongs to Gackt..

Author's notes: Thank you once again for everybody who reviewed! Aishiteru minna! You read and reviewed this crappy fic! hope you enjoy this chappy... this is once again a short chapter and most characters are OOC here. I think my style has mostly changed after 3 years of not writing and I honestly could not remember what happened to the third movie so this fic will be making a little detour hehe. So sorry minna…

Chapter: 5?

Warning: This fic is yaoi\shonen ai\mxm\slash\bxb and also has yuri\shojo ai\fxf if you are disturbed by such things kindly click the back button cause this obviously isn't the right place for you. If you don't like the pairing Legolas\Aragorn I'd say the same thing to you.

amai yume no you na kimi to sugoshita hibi wo

ushinau koto nante nai to omotteita keredo...

_The days I spent with you were like a sweet dream_

_I thought that I would never lose them, but..._

He was a coward. He had finally told Aragorn how he felt about him but he hadn't had the nerve to see what the consequences of his action would be. He should have kept his mouth shut. He wanted to protect Aragorn but he ended up hurting Aragorn more.

_**Flashback:**_

"_Why are you doing this? Why are you running away from me?" he asked imploringly…_

_He turned his back at Aragorn. "Because the true feelings inside of me won't just fade away..."_

kimi no hitomi ni utsutteiru no ha boku ja nai n da ne

_"and I'm not the one reflected in your eyes"_

_**End Flashback**_

**Aragorn POV:**

He had left. All because of me. How can I be so dense? So selfish? So this is the future king? I laughed bitterly. What a _great_ king I would be! I've been so focused on my misery that I didn't notice that I was making someone else suffer.

sukoshi terenagara yasashiku boku ni fureta

komorebi ni yureru kimi ha hitonatsu no kagerou

kimi ga nokoshita nukumori ga ima mo mune wo shimetsukeru

mou modorenai to sou iikikasete...

_You touched me gently, just a little shy_

_In the wavering light between the trees, you are no more than the ephemeral summer heat_

_Even now I hold onto the warmth that you left behind in my heart_

_Even though they warn me that the warmth will never return..._

The sun had already risen. But I still feel cold. And empty. (AN:sorry for being so cliche) I never noticed but you kept me from sinking into despair. With your gestures, you gave me support when I was ready to just forget everything and give up.

But I was stupid enough to be lured by the empty promises of the _night ,_ I had willingly let myself be bound by the web of the night, thinking that the faint glow of the stars would be enough to replace the warmth of the _sun_. (AN: I know that this may seem confusing, so if you guys have any questions, please feel free to ask them).

Even though I neglected you, you still gave me everything that you had and didn't even notice how much you're willing to sacrifice everything for me. Your willingness to sacrifice everything, will make your light burn out. Not because you don't have the strength anymore but you're afraid that you're hurting me with that light. But I could never make you go back, because I'm afraid that I'll keep on hurting you. Maybe it's time that the sun found another, who can appreciate his warmth more.

"You seem troubled"

I turned to look at the one who spoke and I was surprised. It was Gimli who spoke.

"Was I too obvious?"

He nodded grimly." It's strange that Legolas hasn't talked you out of your depression yet."

I laughed at what Gimli said. Ah! The irony of the situation. "He's gone" I said.

Gimli looked at me, a worried expression on his face. This day is turning out to be a weird one.

I didn't notice at first but I finally realized why Gimli was looking so concerned. Tears were already streaming down my face and here I was laughing.

"I think that you should go talk to Legolas right now... I'm not so good with handling this kind of situation..." Gimli was about to go and search for Legolas. But I brought out my sword and and threw it on the ground in front of him.

"What's the meaning of this?" He asked, fury clearly etched on his face.

"It's simple really." I said as coldly as I could. "If you dare go and find that...that.. traitor... I shall consider thou as thy enemy..."

Please don't bring him back. He's had enough, I don't want him to suffer again.

Gimli looked at me and then at the sword. He picked up the sword and he approached me. He then gave me the blade.

"I don't know what's going on but... I'll gladly fight you if that means I can search for that tiresome elf and bring back the former you."

With that being said, Gimli took hold of his axe and prepared to fight.

end chapter 5

Wah… I know that was very short… please bear with me… been so long since I last wrote… anyway thank you for reading this… please r/r!


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